Impersonall A Waste of Time

After my dates with Will and Mack, I have learned that extra height does not mean extra personality. It actually seems to have had an inverse effect. I got to Champps and knew that Will hadn’t arrived yet, so I sat on the entry level of the building on a bench, next to the spiral stairs that led to the actual restaurant. Through the glass doors and windows, I watched as cars drove through the parking lot, and with each car I wondered if that was him. A couple minutes later, I looked up from my phone to see him walking into the view through the windows. Wow. He’s tall. And not as cute. Hm, that was a bummer. His hair was a little longer and scruffier than I like, and he was dressed in a t-shirt and a zip sweatshirt, but maybe his personality will really shine through tonight. We hugged, me basically throwing my arms around his waist and leaning into his stomach like a little girl would hug her daddy after he’s been away for a week on business. We walked up the stairs to the restaurant and decided to sit at the bar. I could feel the eyes of the other patrons watching us as we walked. Well, not so much watching me but watching the tower of Will. I wanted to shout out to all of them, “I know, isn’t he huge?!” We both ordered a drink, and he ordered dinner. We started talking and had some pretty unmemorable conversation. It was lacking in—everything. He seemed disinterested after the first few minutes even thought I can’t understand why since I’m UH-Mazing. We kept the conversation moving throughout the night, but it was just bleh. He had no personality, and he acted like he didn’t care he was on a “date.” I don’t understand why these guys do this. You will not hurt my feelings if you tell me ahead of time that you’re not interested in a date. You won’t hurt my feelings if you tell me after that you’re not interested in the date. But ya will piss me off. Without any type of personal connection happening, it was pretty clear that I had dragged myself out on a school night for nothing, and my hopes of marrying a Jolly Green weren’t going to happen. Or were they? I still had my date with Mack to go on!

The next night, like a broken record, I drove to the same restaurant and sat on the same bench while I waited for a different guy (but still a Jolly Green!) Mack called me after I had been sitting there for a few minutes to let me know that he was very close. Just like before when I had talked to him, he sounded very soothing and calm. As I was talking to him, he informed me that he was in the black Cadillac CTS driving by the building. He sounded way friendlier than Will and more enthusiastic about our outing. A couple minutes after our phone chat, Mack walked through the doors. Wow. He’s tall. I knew it was coming, but still—seeing someone whose lower body is the length of your entire body is surprising every time. Another awkward hug ensued, and as I scampered up the stairs, Mack took about two strides and had made it all the way to the top. We sat down and I could smell vanilla—like that vanilla scent from Bath & Body Works. Here’s the funny thing about vanilla scent: I hate it. I hate it badly, and I quickly realized that Mack had doused himself in it. Vanilla should be reserved only for ice cream or frosting, and maybe even to describe the color of a white crayon, but no man should pick up a bottle of vanilla and try to pass it off as their cologne. The conversation throughout dinner was fairly pleasant. I learned about how his family came to America in search of a better life, and he came off as very mature. He talked so softly and slowly, but not in a grandpa boring way, just in a thoughtful way that showed his tranquil personality. That was kind of opposite of my loud Italian-Arab voice and hands that constantly moving in sync with my mouth. He asked me a lot of questions to learn more about me, but it sorta felt superficial. It’s hard to explain. I was engaged in conversation and Mack was a nice guy, but I had mentally checked out early on. Like Will, the connection was missing and so was a personality. I needed more life in someone! Surprisingly, before we left, Mack asked if I would join him for an upcoming basketball game. It’s usually pretty awkward to reject someone in person, so I said that it sounded fun. Yeah, I know, I totally lied. Well not totally—I do really like going to sporting events so it wouldn’t be all that bad. We were supposed to go yesterday, but I got a message from him earlier in the day that he was really sick and wouldn’t be able to go. Relieved, I told him not to worry. He said he’d check out another game we could go to and he’d let me know. Fingers crossed that he doesn’t make it happen! I had already wasted two days with the Redwoods, I needed to work on finding someone who would actually be a good match.

Heeled

A few days after Eric and I went caput, I received a text from him. He apologized for…well, for basically being an a-hole. He specifically cited the examples of pushing me to do too much with him when I wasn’t ready and for acting a fool over the field trip thing. He said he really didn’t mind going, and he was just being a jerk by ditching me like that. It was nice to see that he had done some growing up, but he included that he wasn’t looking for me to want him back; he had been doing some thinking and wanted me to know what he realized. So, Eric, A for effort for you at the end there!

I wasn’t sad at all that Eric and I didn’t work out, and I actually felt pretty good. I didn’t waste much time getting back into searching mode, and I soon landed on—umm, how about Will as the replacer name? I landed on Will. He was a 6’6” Alabama native, who actually hasn’t been that exciting to talk to through email or on the phone. His emails seem fairly impersonal and almost like he’s annoyed he has to communicate with me. I kind of feel like it’s pointless to continue talking to him, but there’s actually not that many options right now on the match pages. At least he meets my height requirement? Maybe he’ll be different in person; sometimes people don’t come across correctly, you know, because of that whole screen of pictures and written word thing.

Along with Will, I met another giant. I couldn’t believe it; two guys who were 6’6”! Mack, yeah let’s take a break from those boring names, was well written and was able to communicate his interest a lot better than Will. They both live in Ashburn so I’ve got plans to meet them halfway—at the same restaurant—but don’t worry, on different nights. That might actually be pretty funny, to “accidentally” schedule two dates. Even though Mack seems like a good guy, I feel like I’m going out with them to just go out with them; I don’t foresee any potential. But, on the other hand, if I knew what I was doing before, then maybe I’d have someone by now. It’s just a couple drinks so it’s not a huge time commitment or anything. The dates are scheduled for this week…I guess I can wear a pair of heels.

I Object!

So, the bad news is I’m not dating anyone anymore. The good news is that I’m not dating Eric anymore. Here’s how it all went down…

Life went on as normal after our ridiculous child-raising conversation. I extended an offer to Eric to come on a Family Field Trip. One of the teachers has been having Saturday “field trips” for her students and their parents. She invited me to come, and I decided to join them on a mini walking tour of the stereotypical D.C. monuments. I asked Eric if he was interested in coming because it was something different and everyone else would have a family member with them, and I would have no one with me. I told him there was no pressure to come and that I wouldn’t be offended if he said no. Well, he said he would come, and he didn’t seem weirded out or anything by the idea of being around students and their families. The day before the field trip, Eric made some pushy comments, again about him wanting more from me than what I was willing to give, and he said, “If you’re going to make me do boyfriend stuff like the field trip, then I should get other benefits of being a boyfriend.” Ohhhh my Lord. Really? This guy clearly didn’t realize that I practice law in my downtime so I went ahead and prosecuted him for being a jackass. And I won. I hadn’t been feeling particularly confident in him as potential boyfriend material; the more I reflected on it, the more I realized I was actually embarassed by him. He didn’t have much of a personality, he wasn’t that friendly, and he had this sort of “I don’t care” attitude that I don’t think he even knew he displayed. Since I was about to jump the fence to freedom away from him, I quickly asserted my case and told him that he didn’t have to come on the field trip, I didn’t mean anything by it, I thought it would be something different for us to do, and that he’s not my boyfriend so he can go do whatever he wants and I won’t care. I’m pretty sure at this point I even told him to go date someone else. I repeated that I would not do anything physical with him and if that’s what he wanted then he needed to find someone who would do that because it wouldn’t be me. I guess it must be my prosecutory charm because he didn’t leave. He simply said, “All right, well you go into D.C. and call me when you’re back.” We went on for a couple more days, but during that time I kept asking myself why I was in this if I didn’t want it? He wouldn’t be a huge loss, or any loss at all actually, so what was I hanging on for? Since I was used to being single, I decided to go back to what was comfortable.

I showed up to his house a couple days later so we could “go out to dinner.” Only I was there to end things with him. I walked in, sat down for a few minutes while he played video games (I try not to judge but the video game thing was really annoying me especially because he wouldn’t even look at me to say hi), and then when he stopped playing I blurted out, “I can’t go to dinner.” He asked, “Oh, did something come up?” I wasn’t sure how to say it so I just went with whatever came out of my mouth, and that was, “No, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. It doesn’t feel right to me.” He seemed pretty shocked, although I’m not sure how since things weren't exactly blissful between us. He asked if I was sure I wanted to do that because he could “easily go out and find someone else” so he would be okay. Um, yeah, I’m positive I don’t want to be with you, especially with an attitude like he had, thinking he was the hottest guy out there. As I said in a previous post, I wish so badly I could put up a picture of him. He was tall and had a nice car—those were his two best physical qualities. I told him I was sure, and that I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time so with that I walked out the door and happily skipped my way to my car—well I didn’t really skip because that might look silly, but I did have a huge smile on my face since I was finally done with this one! As I move on with my search, I have learned that I need to trust my instincts. My filtration system is getting better and better so I shouldn’t have anymore Erics to deal with.

Past, Present, and Future Tense Moments

Things have started to settle with Eric, but I’m still unsure how I feel about him. I enjoy talking with him and he has ceased from harassing me for “intimacy,” which always makes things a little better. Recently, though, we got into a conversation about some future topics. He started it, I swear! I know better than to bring up some heavy conversation after just a few weeks of dating. Eric and I are both at the point that we don’t want to date just to date, so, matters of the future are actually fairly important. Kids, working, and money were all discussed and the result was no good. Eric and I have completely different views, and while I was trying to compromise in some way, he was adament that he would never change his mind. We were talking over the phone and I was envisioning him on the other line, stomping his foot like a 5 year old who was told he had to make his bed and he was screaming, “I don’t wanna!” Here’s a rundown of the convo (starting after Eric brought it up):
Me: I’d like to take off from working once I have kids.
Eric: No, you have to keep working. 
Me: You make $125,000 a year. We could afford to live on your salary, but you'd still make me work?
Eric: Yes. You’re given 3 months maternity leave, and 3 months is all you’ll take.
Me: Childcare is really expensive, though. Plus, I’ve wanted to be a mom my whole life. Again, we could afford to live on your salary.
Eric: You may feel like you don’t make a lot of money, but it could really help out. We can both drive really nice cars, we can have a really nice house, and we can do whatever we want.
Me: How about I at least take the first year off? I don’t need to drive a nice car; I’m fine with my Honda. 
Eric: No. I told you, 3 months.
 …moving on to the college years…
Eric: I’m not paying for my kids to go to college, either. 
Me: Really? Even though you can afford it, you’d still put your kids through a struggle when it’s not necessary?
Eric: Yup. My parents didn’t help me out, and I think parents spoil their kids by paying for their college. The kids just don’t appreciate it.
Me: My dad paid for my college. Do you think I took it for granted?
Eric: No, but you’re different. (And really, Eric was bitter because he was a jerk off during high school and his first year of college so his parents said they wouldn’t pay his way
anymore. Well played, parents).
Me: Right, because not everyone takes it for granted. Whatever, we shouldn’t even talk about this right now. 
Eric: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Wow, finally, I got him to concede to one statement I made! The talk was a bit premature, but it helped me see Eric for who he was deep down inside: Resentful, selfish, money-centered, and contains childlike compromise abilities. Even though I cared about his drastically different viewpoints, I was more concerned about what a jerk he was coming to be. His personality and character were not what I wanted to be around. I was ready to run out, but I told myself to not think about it, and that maybe I was getting stuck in the context of our disagreement since I tend to be an over-thinker. We managed to pretend like our talk never happened and we are continuing to spend time together. Even though I’m still dating him, I can’t help but wonder if there’s someone out there who’s a better match for me.