Things have started to settle with Eric, but I’m still unsure how I feel about him. I enjoy talking with him and he has ceased from harassing me for “intimacy,” which always makes things a little better. Recently, though, we got into a conversation about some future topics. He started it, I swear! I know better than to bring up some heavy conversation after just a few weeks of dating. Eric and I are both at the point that we don’t want to date just to date, so, matters of the future are actually fairly important. Kids, working, and money were all discussed and the result was no good. Eric and I have completely different views, and while I was trying to compromise in some way, he was adament that he would never change his mind. We were talking over the phone and I was envisioning him on the other line, stomping his foot like a 5 year old who was told he had to make his bed and he was screaming, “I don’t wanna!” Here’s a rundown of the convo (starting after Eric brought it up):
Me: I’d like to take off from working once I have kids.
Eric: No, you have to keep working.
Me: You make $125,000 a year. We could afford to live on your salary, but you'd still make me work?
Eric: Yes. You’re given 3 months maternity leave, and 3 months is all you’ll take.
Me: Childcare is really expensive, though. Plus, I’ve wanted to be a mom my whole life. Again, we could afford to live on your salary.
Eric: You may feel like you don’t make a lot of money, but it could really help out. We can both drive really nice cars, we can have a really nice house, and we can do whatever we want.
Me: How about I at least take the first year off? I don’t need to drive a nice car; I’m fine with my Honda.
Eric: No. I told you, 3 months.
…moving on to the college years…
Eric: I’m not paying for my kids to go to college, either.
Me: Really? Even though you can afford it, you’d still put your kids through a struggle when it’s not necessary?
Eric: Yup. My parents didn’t help me out, and I think parents spoil their kids by paying for their college. The kids just don’t appreciate it.
Me: My dad paid for my college. Do you think I took it for granted?
Eric: No, but you’re different. (And really, Eric was bitter because he was a jerk off during high school and his first year of college so his parents said they wouldn’t pay his way
anymore. Well played, parents).
Me: Right, because not everyone takes it for granted. Whatever, we shouldn’t even talk about this right now.
Eric: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Wow, finally, I got him to concede to one statement I made! The talk was a bit premature, but it helped me see Eric for who he was deep down inside: Resentful, selfish, money-centered, and contains childlike compromise abilities. Even though I cared about his drastically different viewpoints, I was more concerned about what a jerk he was coming to be. His personality and character were not what I wanted to be around. I was ready to run out, but I told myself to not think about it, and that maybe I was getting stuck in the context of our disagreement since I tend to be an over-thinker. We managed to pretend like our talk never happened and we are continuing to spend time together. Even though I’m still dating him, I can’t help but wonder if there’s someone out there who’s a better match for me.
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