Tall, Dark, and Hands-On

Uh oh. My inability to be affectionate has crept up on me again. My explanation for why I’m not touchy feely with a guy is because one of them hasn’t stuck around long enough for me to be comfortable with doing that. And I haven’t liked someone enough to really show that emotion. At this point, it’s been about three weeks since Eric and I met, a little bit longer since we actually started talking. We’ve kissed and that’s about it. That’s all that should be it according to my way of thinking. Eric, however, feels the opposite. I walked into his room the other day, expecting us to be leaving for dinner. There he was, with his telemarketer headset on, concentrating on his video game as if he were performing surgery. He didn’t even turn to look at me; all I got was a grunt. Ew, is this really who I’m spending my time with right now? I laid on his bed to wait for him. And wait. Andddd wait. Containing my desire to unplug the video game (it had only been three weeks, I figured I’d bust out that move after it’s been at least a month), I calmly asked him if he still wanted to go to dinner.

“I’m not that hungry anymore,” he told me, again without looking at me. Not hungry? I guess he was becoming a manorexic so he could achieve hotness. “Okaaay,” I responded, clearly peeved and confused. While I was trying to think of my next question to try and clarify, he said, “I feel like you’re really cold.” And he didn’t mean like a penguin, he meant like…well, I wasn’t sure what he meant, so I asked him. “What do you mean?” He went on to explain that I don’t touch him. Well yeah, you’re not lean and hot so why would I touch you? Ha, juuuust kidding, I’m not that shallow. “What do you mean I don’t touch you?” I asked, still unsure of where this was heading. Really, this was heading for the bottom of the ocean because the ship that Eric and I were on was sinking. Fast. He told me I’m not affectionate. I don’t touch his hand. I don’t caress his arm. I don’t kiss him for no reason. I don’t sleep with him. Yeah, did you just hear the record scratch?! That’s right, friends, I don’t sleep with him in the first three weeks, and therefore I’m cold and unaffectionate. “Too bad,” I told him. “It’s too soon for me, and if that’s an issue then I’ll leave.” He apologized by saying that he could get any girl he wanted and they would all sleep with him. “Good! Go get one of them, I’m not stopping you!” He reworded his position and said that he just wanted to feel like I was actually interested in him. Mmmhmmm, that's all he cares about. He said he’d be willing to wait, (oh, what a prince!) and I said I would make more of an effort to be “affectionate.” With no other guys coming up on my match radar, I guess I’ll try and make something work with him. That sounds like a good idea, right??