Dyeing to Make One Work

Jeff has been way better about not telling me what girls are saying to him. I now discovered another…red flag, maybe? I’m not sure if it’s a red flag; it may be more of a pink one. One of Jeff’s “hobbies” is to research how to pick up women. Yeah. He was doing this through the online forum, and he would tell me how it worked well and what the womens’ responses were. He was now wanting to shift it from online to real life. I understand that people pop into your inbox with online dating, but I was a little uncomfortable that he would be actively seeking out other girls. He assured me that he didn’t want to actually talk to them, he just liked the challenge of picking up a girl at a bar. Great. I discovered his stash of books and videos that detail what to say and what to do. I read through some of the materials and realized that he had pulled one of the moves on me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him applying these games to me—I thought I meant more than a bar pick-up. Pink flag? Red flag? It’s starting to look a little tie-dye.

I’m trying to find the humor in Jeff’s love of…well, his love of himself basically. Picking up women is all an ego boost to him and I told him that. He denied it at first but then realized that since he wasn’t actually interested in the women then it was all about him. Regardless of this, I still really like him and it feels effortless when we’re together. I’m also not completely sold on him so with New Years Eve coming up, I’m choosing to go out with one of my guy friends instead of with Jeff. Guy friend will always be in life; the pick-up artist may not be. Jeff didn’t say he was upset about this, all he said was “okay.” There’s a lot to Jeff that makes me wonder how I let it get this far. I’m surprised he made it through my match.com filter, but he did, and I’m not ready to walk away. I like what we have, and I want to see what will happen.

Man, I Cured My Losing Streak!

I didn’t want to see Mike anymore because even though he was nice, I was hoping for more of a connection with someone. I hesitated to go out with Jeff, the next one, because the emails were just okay. He didn’t seem super pumped to meet so I took it all in stride. I didn’t really have any hopes for anything to come of it; I figured at the least I’d be able to get a good buzz when we met for drinks. Jeff was pretty. He was still masculine, but it was clear he cared A LOT about his looks. I almost mistook him for someone from Jersey. Even though I had been to this bar before, construction was happening and roads were blocked so I ended up being late. I felt really bad to keep him waiting, but it actually lightened the mood I think. Right as I stepped out of my car he was already making fun and joking. The night only got better from there. Our attitudes and personalities were very similar—we are both very blunt and we like to joke around. The best part of the evening came when Jeff was talking about how he likes girls who take care of themselves—fit, dress nicely, and have manicured nails. What? That’s what you care about? Nails? I hid my boy nails under the bar, but he could see I was laughing about something. I showed him my nails, and he seemed a bit disappointed, but I guess I scored enough points with my other qualities. We left that night agreeing that we would see each other the next day.

We’ve seen each other a few times now and there is more of a connection with Jeff than I have had with someone in a looooong time. While we do have fun together and things are moving nicely, there’s one thing that I’m not sure how to take…he tells me about the girls that still “talk” to him on match. I do actually find it entertaining, learning what the girls say to him and what a guy’s reaction to it is, and I also understand that match is open for dating. It’s an issue you’ve gotta be prepared for. If Jeff and I aren’t really exclusive, then there’s not much I can say. The only thing I told him is that now, after a couple weeks, I don’t want to hear about the other girls anymore. He understood so that should eliminate the problem.

SRY, 2 L8T

This whole online dating process is starting to become frustrating, but I found myself gearing up for yet another date, or “get together” as I like to call them. A date sounds too promising. After school one day, I met up with Mike for a couple drinks. He played baseball at a crosstown rival high school so we were able to find people we both knew. Like many of the others, the conversation was easy, and he was a really nice guy. He also seemed more mature than some of the guys I had been out with before. Bonus! After a couple hours and a couple drinks, we ended our night with a hug and plans to make plans for another get together.

A few nights later, I went to his apartment with the intention of us figuring out what to do/where to go. We ended up telling stories and talking that we never made it out. I think I also felt bad to actually go out because I could tell I wasn’t romantically interested in him. There was nothing wrong with him, I just didn’t like him like that, and I didn’t want to go through all the hoopla of a “date” when I knew it wasn’t really going anywhere. We had conflicting schedules coming up that it made things difficult to go out again. I viewed this as a lucky break for me since I didn’t really know how to tell someone I wasn’t interested when it had only been a couple dates. Mike pursued me a little bit, and unfortunately like his predecessors, he did this only through texting. Sometimes I wonder if I lose interest because they don’t show enough. Pick up the phone and call.

What do ya know? Mike did call a few days after he had texted me about getting together, but I had family in town so I couldn’t commit to anything. I was glad he made the step to call, but by that point I had moved on. There’s an overwhelming amount of options with online dating, and while it has its moments when I want to hide my profile, I am so thankful for all of these opportunities to meet different guys and to really find out/understand what I want, what I need, what I don’t want, and most importantly, to reaffirm my belief that when I meet the right person, I’ll just know. Sadly for Mike, I knew it wasn’t him. And now, my biggest question: am I really the only person in this world who believes that a phone call is more personal than a text? There's gotta be someone who feels the same and hopefully my match search will yield him in the results.