I Respectfully Would Like to Tell You Off

            TRP alert!! I have found a good one (TRP=The Ridiculous Profile, for you newcomers to MissMatch)! He doesn't fall in the upper brackets of attractiveness, and I get the feeling that he is looking for a top model, mixed with a Playmate of the year, who has a little bit of adult shop fun in her, but it’s not like he’s holding up his end of the bargain. He doesn’t have looks going for him. Even worse, he doesn’t have personality or courtship going for him. I have highlighted the components of his profile that stand out as making the female reader go, “Ew, who is this guy?”

Warm and sensual looking for hottie with a warm heart and sweet face who loves a man who embraces his sensual/sexy side..Groomed, sensual, and sporty man looking for a lover and companion who is competent and able for the serious times of life while also being sexy, nurturing and open minded for the other times... Come have fun with me while we enjoy each other's hearts, minds and bodies ;)The contrast between me being a military officer and a singer tells it all. I am a respectful and capable leader by day while being sexy at night ;) I'd love to find a liberal beautiful partner who liked to mix a little naughty in between the wholesome stuff once in a while....

I am most attracted to a woman who is a competent individual splitting her time between her profession, her fitness, her friends and me! It is very important to me that the girl has some situational awareness and tact. After all, this woman will represent me and I her.

I want an equal. A woman who can walk into a room with grace and femininity while commanding respect is a wonderful thing. Sorry if I am coming off wrong it's just that I want to be clear that I am not looking for a little girl who I do everything for. I would like to find a robust and capable cookie! Cause that's what daddy likes :)

Oh and if you're sporty and in tune with your 'sensual' side all the better! Gym girls are hot!!

I've been to navy flight school, sailed on aircraft carriers, traveled to Kuwait, Bahrain, and Korea but am now in pursuit of becoming a nurse of anesthesia. So be sweet and cook once a week for me and maybe I'll put you to sleep one day ;)If you like a masculine boy by day who's a pretty boy at night, you'll like me!

Respectfully,

Joe

Pets:I have an adorable basset hound named Tiger who is quite the lover boy (Like his dad!)

For Fun:Anything involved in a sexy swimsuit for you and me and some fun in the sun :)

Movies, nice dinners and wholesome times with family mixed with some naughty times for us!

Favorite Hot Spots:Tropical sunny getaways or outdoor activities are what lure me. But snowboarding in the mountains then returning to our cozy cabin is very cool too.

Favorite Things:My hobby is singing anthems at stadiums as well as with a 50's Acappela quartet

Last Read:Mostly flip through computer gadget, electronic or fitness magazines.


His touch of adding “respectfully” just makes me roll my eyes and mutter “Ugh, dirtbag,” as I reread to highlight all of his “respectful” comments and items on his wish list of his um, soulmate? Maybe bedmate is more like it. Simply put, Joe is gross, and there are more “adult friendly” websites out there where he can achieve more of what he’s looking for. If any of my match friends should come across his profile, please let me know so I can give him some "gentle tips" on profile writing.

Can't Argue With Stupid, But I Tried Anyway

You’ve seen the typical email that lands in my inbox, and I’m sure the inbox of most girls on match. Who knows, this may even be how girls are toward guys, too. My friend right below baited me with, “How are you?” I responded with the same email that I sent to the other 11 guys: Hi, there, ~While I don’t know if you’ve been successful with your previous emails for online dating, I’d like to offer a simple suggestion for sending the initial email: Use your words to show the girl that you’ve read her profile. Find some common ground or ask her questions. Including your name would also be an important step. Good luck in your search!

Now comes our email exchanges…

Idiot:

You're kidding me right? Isn't that a little selfish? Little one sided maybe? Why should I spend a half hour or close to it trying to write a long interesting letter when I have no idea if you interested in me? I have a profile too. Its there for you to read. If after you read it and are interested and respond to my message; then I'll write a nice long letter.

Match.com expert (minus the fact that I haven’t found “love.” Minor detail.):

I don't think it's selfish at all. I do the same thing when I email a guy. It doesn't have to be long, and it shouldn't be long. Just a few sentences to show that you have an interest. Obviously you can continue as you would like!

Idiot:

A few short sentences? Then what's the difference? you'll still get the same few short sentences from every guy. There is only so many few short sentences that can be written about your profile. And since guys mostly find the same stuff interesting...or at least guys that find a girl interesting would probbaly be for the same reasons. You'll still get the same email over and over again

Match.com expert:

The messages are not the same--people share different interests, and personalities can come through more with a few sentences than a "hey." If you've been so successful with your method, then what's the big deal about what I said?

Again, do what you'd like, I was simply sharing what I've learned.

After all of this back and forth, he relented and realized that I wasn’t being nasty, I was really just trying to help a brotha out.

MissMatch Has Been Mismatched Too Many Times

It's been almost a week since the Jerm has been gone. I haven't started up with match because at this point, I'm kind of over it. Plus, a friend of mine is playing matchmaker and wants to set me up with a friend of hers. So, in the mean time, I will be blogging about whatever online dating topics come to mind. This may even lead to posts about dating in general. Also, if YOU have a fabulous online dating story please send it my way and I will gladly post it for you.


Today's entertainment comes from 11 gentlemen suitors who need a little help with the suiting part. And I'm not sure how gentlemanly they are either. Below you will find what appears in my inbox on match:
Hey, how's it going?              Hey gorgeous :)              i would like to get to know u                    
Hello Beautiful                       How are you?                 How are you ?
Hey, how's it going?              Hey cutiepie how are you?                 I'm Scott. How are you?
How are you? How's your week going?                     What's up sweetheart, how are you?


Well, what fun we had with that! I've been doing this match.com thing long enough that I usually ignore emails like that. Really, what do the guys expect? I can answer them with “fine”or "hi" or "really? why would you like to get to know me?" and then where does that leave us? I’m not here to be your pen pal, I’d like to meet you ASAP if I actually “like” you. The one liners are a waste of time, and telling me I’m pretty isn’t gonna get you far. Read my words and acknowledge them. Ok, so back to the joys of attempting to set these guys straight. I sent an email to each of them that said: Hi, there, ~While I don’t know if you’ve been successful with your previous emails for online dating, I’d like to offer a simple suggestion for sending the initial email: Use your words to show the girl that you’ve read her profile. Find some common ground or ask her questions. Including your name would also be an important step. Good luck in your search! 


I actually heard back from about half of them with many thanks and questions for more advice. They apologized, appreciated me taking the time to help them, and a couple of them even asked for guidance in building their profiles and crafting the first email. Do I sense a business venture coming up?     

A Marriage And A Divorce

Sweet Jesus that day has come! One of my best friends got married, and…wait for it…Jeremy and I are OVER! Wow, I’m really happy about that, aren’t I? Probably a sign that it should’ve been over long ago. I could sense the end was near, and his behavior throughout the wedding night really helped me know that I couldn’t stand to be with him any longer. So, we’ve well established that Jeremy is cheap, and in case I didn’t say it before, I actually told this to him, which resulted in him saying, “Don’t say that! My ex-girlfriend said that and my friends say that! I’m not cheap!” and then he hung up the phone. Okay, I’ll leave that one alone, you all can fill in whatever jokes you’d like! The wedding required a hotel stay. Now, I understand that he was my plus one at the wedding, and I didn’t expect him to pay for the hotel room. I simply thought it would be a great opportunity for him to show that he can be manly and he can financially take care of things. If he offered to pay for the hotel room, it could have shown that he maybe wasn’t as cheap. When it came to paying the room bill, he said, “Hey, we can split it.” Umm no, this isn’t a Costco size muffin that has too many calories for one person. “No, I’ll take care of it,” I told him. Okay, he’s still cheap.

Let’s see, what else happened…oh, he left me. Yup, he left the reception. Family emergency? He didn’t feel well? No. There was a game on. The Super Bowl? World Series? Whatever the ice hockey championship is called? Nope! It was some unknown college football game. Feeling like maybe I was being a little dramatic at thinking this was ridiculous behavior, I checked in with a guy friend who was at the wedding, too. He thought Jeremy was a d-bag for leaving the wedding for a game, and especially an unimportant game. He came back to the reception and then we danced. Ohhh, the dance. So many dramatics over the dancing. Simple story: We slow danced. I asked for a few more inches between us so my head wouldn’t pop off because he was holding me so close I had nowhere to put my head except way far backwards. He cried about it and left the reception. Again. A couple other unsettling events happened that night, and I realized that I had tried to make this work, but simply put: I couldn’t stand him. A couple days later we talked and I told him that we aren’t a good match for each other at all. He didn’t see it that way, and he was quite surprised I wanted out.

I will say that he slowed his drinking a lot during the time that we were together, and he seemed pretty upset when we ended. He was almost speechless. I could’ve sworn it was a near-tears type of speechless. I’m proud of myself for really giving this one a try, but I’m upset with myself at the same time for letting it go as long as it did. Plus, I should’ve picked up on all the criticisms I had about him and ended the madness way earlier.

So, where to go from here?