Cop A Feel

The same night of my coffee date with Jared, I went out with someone else I had been communicating with. I actually had two guys I was communicating with, and I was leaning more towards Nick than Daniel, but my friends were pushing me to pursue Daniel harder. I trusted myself more than my friends because they just thought Daniel was cuter, but I was more attracted to Nick, and I wanted to go out with both of them. So, that’s what I did. Or at least I tried to do that. Nick had to cancel at almost the last minute when we were supposed to go out a few days ago. He said he would be in touch to try again. Yeah, whatever. I’m not waiting around for an “I’ll be in touch.” So Daniel actually followed through with his scheduled time, and we met for some drinks. If I felt like I had lost my alcohol tolerance after college, it’s definitely increasing again thanks to all these dates. Daniel’s a cop (I think this is probably the fifth cop I’ve dated…I completely buy into the claim that there’s a special connection between teachers and cops!), he has a southern accent from his home in North Carolina, and he just looks like an All-American guy—tall, broad, blond hair, blue eyes—not really what I usually would be drawn to, but the thing that got me with him was that he called. Yes, not just typed some words, he picked up the phone and spoke to me. It was nice to hear the voice before I actually met the guy.

I love now that after so many dates, I never get nervous. Only slightly, but I pop a piece of gum in my mouth and the nerves go away quickly. When I got to the bar I knew he was already inside, but I stood near the front door trying to find him. I heard my name and felt a hand on my waist in a sweet, protective way. I turned and saw Daniel was the one touching me. He was yummy, and I’ll never forget the way he smiled as he bent down to hug me. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t scare you, I saw you looking confused trying to find me so I thought I’d come get you,” he said. He was nicer than I expected, maybe I mean more genuine. His emails and phone conversations were fine, but I wasn’t getting a clear read on him until we met. We talked for-ever, and I felt that he meant well and was truly interested in wanting to meet someone. During our date, I was showing off my awesome new touch screen phone with scrolling phonebook. As I was showing this off, the phonebook landed on “Jared match.” It took Daniel about 2.5 seconds to make a comment that I was going out with other people. I responded with, “Well, I expect that from other people, too. I think that’s the good part of match, you can go out with different people until you find one that you want to date.” He informed me that he was only going for one girl and that one girl was me. Wowzer. I just about deleted every guy in my phonebook after he said that. If he wants me, he’ll come get me. Daniel made his declaration so let’s see if he follows through.

Ef-fort-less: adj. Displaying no signs of effort

This morning, I rolled out of bed, took a quick shower, and pieced together a simple outfit. Despite my night of drinking that had just ended a few hours before, I was preparing myself for a match date, although this really was more of a “meet up.” Jared lived in Arlington, but he had work to get done which he was doing at the Panera just 10 minutes from my house. I wasn’t sure if I should go because as casual and informal as I am, this was like a half-assed offer of a date, and it made Jared look like he wasn’t into me enough to ask me on a real date. I should have said, “Sorry, no test drives,” but in trying to keep an open mind, I figured I’d give it a chance.

I walked into the crowded Panera, shocked at how busy it was. My eyes bounced from each person, trying to determine if he was Jared. Finally, in the back corner (of course) I spotted Jared. I walked up and put my hand on the back of his shoulder to give him warning that I would soon be in front of him. “Hey! I found you!” I exclaimed. He was very warm and friendly and offered to buy me a coffee or breakfast.

We warmed up with our drinks and learning about Jared was great; I’m a people person by nature, and I love hearing life stories and how people came to be. We talked for maybe an hour and a half when we both felt ready to leave. We walked out together, him rolling his little wheely briefcase thing, and me fumbling for my keys. We shared a brief hug, and Jared told me that he would be there again tomorrow, if I want to join him again. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see,” I told him in a non-committal tone. Of course I’m not going to go see him again. He seemed like a great guy but I was put off that he wasn’t trying harder. I don't get why he bothers getting on match if he just wants to have a random playdate. If a guy wants me, he’ll come and get me. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Fingers crossed it actually happens!

Made In China--And India

Why do I do this to myself? Every time I tell myself I’ll step away from match.com, I get bored, start browsing, and before I know it, I’ve got winks and emails flying at me. Trying to stay away from guys who are d-bags was my top priority this time around…and really it should be every time I guess. But I was really trying to pay close attention to the words and the pictures. Just like I teach my kids with reading. You can learn a lot from looking at the context of both pictures and what the author wrote. I settled on Jim. His words seemed sincere and his pictures were…well, they were GORGEOUS. He was so pretty but he didn’t even know how pretty he was. He was half Chinese half Indian—I’ve come across many products from China and India and none of them looked as good as he did.

We met for dinner, and as I watched him walk towards me I was actually happy. Finally, I was meeting a guy who I was excited about! I felt pretty confident he wouldn’t be a jerk, and I was almost certain he had no kids or ex-wife. We had dinner and drinks and it was wonderful. It was like a real grown-up date. His manners were almost too good. He had ordered a sandwich (yay, no salad!), and the sandwich was overstuffed so it wasn’t the neatest thing ever to eat, but hey, it’s food, who cares? Halfway through his sandwich he called it quits on eating. That’s right, he ate only half his sandwich because it was too messy. What?! Not finishing your food is considered a sin in my family. He may have had a box to bring home, but I finished my entire dinner because I’m a good Italian-Arab! He walked me to my car and we agreed to talk and set up another date.

Ahhh, Jim. What happened? There was no intention of not talking again. We did have a couple more conversations and then I’m not sure what happened. I think this one was my fault. I lost track of time and got inundated at school and just, yeah. I never called him back. By the time I realized my mistake, I didn’t know what to do—let it go? Move on to another guy? Call him and try again? Maybe I should have called even after a couple weeks had gone by, but I didn’t. I’m kicking myself for letting it get away from me. Jim was a good guy, and now I have to get back on my trusty computer and hope that there’s another Chinese-Indian with good manners, a pretty face, and a nice personality.

No Dinner, Just Whine

Dan and I went back and forth with emails a few times, and I was anxious to meet him in person. It gets complicated and tiring to juggle different guys, emails, phone calls—I like being able to either cross them off my list or keep them there and cross the other guys off the list. Right away I recognized Dan because of a scarf he had on from one of his photos. I’m not a scarf wearer myself so I don’t typically find myself attracted to male scarf wearers. Then I quickly noticed his wine glass sitting in front of him, one-third empty. Wine? He’s drinking wine? I’ve seen guys drink wine before, but it was usually at an Italian family dinner or at a restaurant when also eating food—not at a pub, on a Friday night, with a girl. Already I was thinking “scarf and wine, scarf and wine…”

He was very friendly and asked lots of questions, but soon it felt like he was leading a conversation where he could be the older and wiser one who relished in the opportunity to lend his guidance. There was a particularly tense moment when we started talking about finding love. He was adamant that, “You’re so young! You have all the time to find someone!” Yes, but I do feel I should start my search now because it takes quite a while, and I don’t see anything wrong with starting that search when you’re in your early-mid twenties. The advice he started spewing at me about this and other topics annoyed me because he barely knew me. He also hung himself with that scarf when he encouraged me to stop looking for love and to let it happen naturally. I couldn’t hold my tongue; I stated the obvious when I said, “Well, you and I met through match…isn’t the purpose of match to find someone so aren’t you looking for it, too?” He took my slam in stride, nodded his head in acceptance and said, “That’s very true.”

After a couple drinks later (vodka tonics for me, again, and Dan was steady with his wine refills) we were on our way out, and I asked him where he parked. There is a parking garage and a couple other lots nearby, but these all require walking in different directions. He said he parked in one of the lots, and I told him I had parked in the garage. He asked me if I wanted him to walk me to my car. I said, “Oh, well since you are parked in the opposite direction, don’t worry about it.” He responded with, “it’s okay, I don’t mind walking you.” I half conceded by telling him that if he wanted to walk me then that was fine, but I felt bad because he wasn’t parked nearby. All of this was occurring with another couple standing close enough to us that they could hear the conversation. Dan gave me a middle school hug with resistance and said, “Well, it was nice meeting you I guess,” and with that he crossed the next intersection back to his car. I stood there in confusion that a grown man would really end the evening with such an awkward moment. The couple that was nearby let out a small laugh of disbelief and looked at me with faces that were saying, “Did this guy really just leave you like that? What a fool!”

I realized that yes, I probably had declined his offer to walk me because I wasn’t interested. He seemed to have trouble with all of my responses, and had something to say about all of them. A walk to a car means probably being alone in the garage and a good-bye that could include a kiss. If not a kiss, then it lends itself more easily to talking about future dates, and at that point, I knew I didn’t want anymore. Well, no more dates with him, but there are plenty of other guys out there to fill his spot!

Physically Mis-fit

Well, so much for a tie-dye flag—Jeff’s flag is on fire at this point, and it’s about to burn to ash. My decision to not spend New Years Eve with Jeff, but to instead go out with my guy bestie was apparently not so good. While I danced and partied the night away at a fancy hotel in D.C., I missed out on the chance to get wild at Clyde’s. Yup, Clyde’s restaurant. My friend and I shared a midnight kiss, but I learned that Jeff shared an all-night makeout session with some hussy from the bar. Great. That’s so very helpful in setting the framework for a strong, trusting relationship. He was somehow surprised that I wasn’t cheering for him when he told me he was in a liplock with someone else. Jeff’s feeling of freedom that night led to a conversation about whether or not we would be/should be exclusive.

We both agreed that we enjoyed each other’s company, but I complained that he never actually took me out. We always hung out at his house. I jokingly asked, “Are you ashamed to take me out in public?” His response? In short, his response was, “Yes!” In long, his response was that my pants weren’t tight enough, and he didn’t like that I didn’t wear make-up. He believed that since I didn’t wear make-up, I must have low self-confidence. “That’s funny,” I told him. “I feel that I’m soooo confident in myself that I don’t need to hide behind make-up to be beautiful. I’m naturally gorgeous!” I may have paraphrased slightly here, but that was the gist of what I told him. He understood my point, but still held strong that he liked girls who are a walking ad for MAC. I should’ve seen this coming from our first meeting when he said he likes girls who take care of themselves. But still, I couldn’t believe he actually didn’t want to bring me out in public because my pants are a little big and I prefer to show off my natural beauty?! What. A. Fool. There were some other minor details about him (he was divorced, cheated on his wife, has two young children, and isn’t college educated) that may have gotten in the way at some point, but it bothers me that I was willing to look past that yet he was hung up on stupid things like clothes and make-up. I need to get a better filtration system, like a Brita but for prospective dates. I should’ve trusted my gut when he disclosed all of his top qualities for a girl, and they were all physical ones.

I’ve already hit up the match search, but it’s still taking a couple days to get anything worthwhile going. Jeff and I were actually supposed to talk again after we both had time to think. He said he would call. I’m not surprised that he hasn’t; I’m almost more surprised that I still think there are good guys out there.