Relationship Has Sailed

Birthdays are supposed to be fun, and they usually are fun unless you are celebrating for a guy you’ve only dated for a month and you’re meeting all of his friends for the first time.  And so a couple weekends ago I was on my way with Brandon to have dinner and drinks in honor of his 26^th.  The night was fine.  I didn’t feel like I “clicked” with any of his friends or any of their girlfriends which was slightly upsetting.  Friends are like the family—you definitely want to connect with someone in the entourage.  Throughout the night I kept seeing the other couples being all cute and smiling at each other and being touchy.  And then there was me and Brandon.  I had no desire to do any of those things or to be that way with him.  That’s not good, right?  Overall the night was fine.  I think in my heart I know that Brandon isn’t it, but I feel like I need to give it more time, at least until we reach 6 weeks because by then, really, I will know for sure.

A day or two after his birthday, we had one of our usual phone conversations except for one thing: he brought up “us.”  Blah.  I’ve been dreading this because I knew I saw it as him and me and he saw it as us.  He started by saying one of his friends asked if we were exclusive.  We’re both not dating others so in that way, yes, I guess we are.  Brandon wants to say that we are in a relationship.  I want to say we are dating.  I know, stupid semantics, and what does it all matter anyway?  Well, to me it matters.  A lot.  I can sense I’m about to jump ship and it’s easier to do when you’re not connected to anyone.  Hmm, well, unless they were some type of rescue person then I’d definitely want to be connected to them, but regardless of this ridiculous metaphor, I don’t want that much commitment with him at this point.  He left the conversation with, “Well, call it what you want, I’m saying we’re in a relationship.”  That’s great for you, Brandon, I’ll wave to you from land.

Plus One Problem

I love to laugh, especially at live comedy shows. Brandon learned this early and made a tactical move to gain himself some points—he got us tickets to a stand-up comedy show. We had a lot of fun, and I was thinking that maybe I was making some progress with my thinking…physically I may not be into him, but he was someone with a whole buncha other great qualities. I’ve always been a believer in the idea that when you really like/love someone, you just know it. There’s not even necessarily reasons 1, 2, and 3 as to why you love them, you just do and you can’t even explain it. I also believe this feeling will come out within the first 6-8 weeks of knowing someone. It’s been almost a month with Brandon and there’s nada so without that feeling, I’m not trying to rush into any commitment right away. We’re both not dating others, but it’s easier to leave if you’re dating/seeing how things might go instead of being super stuck to each other.

Well, on the way home from the comedy show, Brandon revealed his thoughts on “us” in an indirect way. He told me that one of his best friends is getting married next week. And he’s allowed to bring a plus one. And he wants that plus one to be me. Ummm. Hmmm. My hand made its way to the door handle of the car. It was late at night. There weren’t many cars on the road. Brandon wasn’t driving very fast. I could make it out, tuck and roll, and get out of this situation. I’m no stunt woman and I’m scared of anything remotely dangerous so thank goodness Brandon continued speaking and said, “Even though you would be the one I would ask to come, I’m not going to because I have to leave for it on Friday and I know you won’t take off work. Plus, I know it’s also still early with us.” Phewwww. The other side of this situation is that if it had been a guy I was really falling for who was asking me to a wedding, I would’ve happily said yes. But it’s not a guy that I’m falling for. And that, my friends, is a problem.

Never Been Kissed (In 4 Dates)

True story. It’s been four dates and a 26-year-old guy has made no attempt to kiss me. I’m not sure what to make of this, but it makes me feel slightly uneasy. I think Brandon’s never kissed me because he’s never been kissed—ever. He’s confident in everything else: calling, making plans, conversing, but then it comes to those points when any other breathing male, or female actually, would jump at their chance for a kiss he swoops in for a hug. I’m not dying to kiss him because the physical attraction still isn’t there for me, and maybe that’s a bad sign? But I’m trying to step outside of my usual type because my usual type usually gets me nowhere—typically. Like can grow over time and it can come from intellectual and emotional attraction which is what I’m banking on right now. I know Brandon likes me and I know he will do whatever it takes to keep me happy, and not necessarily in the princessy way, but he genuinely wants this to work out and he knows all the non-physical moves to make. He calls. Everyday. He’s interested in me, my stories, all of it. He makes plans and he keeps them. He talks about what he wants for his future in terms of his career, showing that he’s even thinking of his future. We’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know each other, going out, relaxing at home, and just letting things move…slowly. So as wonderful as Brandon is in so many other aspects, the physical one is blah. Kissing can tell a lot about the connection between two people and right now our connection has a gigantic gap in it, but I will take the chance to let this one play out.